Diagnosis and self-indication have been a gift.

Recently a friend reminded me that when you charge your phone in low-battery mode it doesn’t go green until it is at an 80% charge. And honestly, this has been such a good reminder. 

I want to talk about how self-diagnosis and self-indication over the last couple of months have been an absolute gift in spite of the grief arc. And, how I feel the ash pile beginning to form into a new being.

Swinging of the Pendulum

I’m currently on a fast-swinging pendulum that is moving like tides. A couple of weeks ago I wrote in my journal that I was starting to feel on top of things. Then the tides began to recede again leaving me feeling low. The pressure to perform and survive once again feeling thick in the air. 

The “have to work to live” bullshit pressure our current societal structure places on humans has never made sense to me yet it knocks on the proverbial door again. I hear the clock ticking loudly that my time of allowance for recovery is overdue and coming to an end. 

I had a substantial physical setback and flare-up which helped me self-identify decades of symptoms I’ve struggled with. Thanks to TikTok, which led me to great resources and understanding, I have been able to self-indicate with POTS and MCAS. Learning more about both of these has helped me understand my medical symptom landscape which has been a field of land mines since I was about 12 years old. 

Hidden illness has been a thing for me since I was in my early 20’s dealing with a thyroid tumor and the various auto-immune issues that came with it. However, I feel so incredibly free by knowing how my myriad of issues ties directly to dysautonomia.  Liberation and a way forward actually exist for the comorbidities of Autism and ADHD. 

Awareness is such a gift. 

From Ash to Rebirth

Like the legend of the Phoenix, I continue to burn to ash and find a rebirth. It is a cycle I’m very familiar with in my life. Although this time feels incredibly different to me. 

Yesterday on my IG I posted: “I don’t know her yet but also she feels like the most familiar version of me that has hidden deep within. The one that I’ve seen in my head but not revealed because she is “too much” for everyone else. I welcome her arrival and the rise of the dragon again. 🔥✨⚡️🐉”

 

 

 

 

 

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A post shared by Jen Kelchner ✨🔮💻 (@jenkelchner)

It is the first time since the end of November 2022 that I feel okay. I have moved from the darkest space of being unwell towards okay. Okay isn’t where I want to stay but it is progress and healing and movement. 

We are gonna be just fine. 

And, I’m super excited to see the higher version of myself arise. I know I’m going to love her! ❣️

I’m trying out Threads if you’re interested in engaging more closely on any of my hyperfocused interests and unmasking. Connect via IG or @jenkelchner on Threads.