{"id":28077,"date":"2023-06-06T14:40:54","date_gmt":"2023-06-06T14:40:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jenkelchner.com\/?p=28077"},"modified":"2023-06-06T14:48:52","modified_gmt":"2023-06-06T14:48:52","slug":"unmasked-how-you-can-help-during-an-autistic-burnout","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jenkelchner.com\/unmasked-how-you-can-help-during-an-autistic-burnout\/","title":{"rendered":"How you can help during an autistic burnout"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"28077\" class=\"elementor elementor-28077\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-3566b79 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default wpr-parallax-no\" data-id=\"3566b79\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-632edb9\" data-id=\"632edb9\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-f33e969 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"f33e969\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<style>\/*! elementor - v3.21.0 - 08-05-2024 *\/\n.elementor-widget-text-editor.elementor-drop-cap-view-stacked .elementor-drop-cap{background-color:#69727d;color:#fff}.elementor-widget-text-editor.elementor-drop-cap-view-framed .elementor-drop-cap{color:#69727d;border:3px solid;background-color:transparent}.elementor-widget-text-editor:not(.elementor-drop-cap-view-default) .elementor-drop-cap{margin-top:8px}.elementor-widget-text-editor:not(.elementor-drop-cap-view-default) .elementor-drop-cap-letter{width:1em;height:1em}.elementor-widget-text-editor .elementor-drop-cap{float:left;text-align:center;line-height:1;font-size:50px}.elementor-widget-text-editor .elementor-drop-cap-letter{display:inline-block}<\/style>\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I realize the <a href=\"https:\/\/jenkelchner.com\/autistic-burnout-i-am-unwell\/\">previous post<\/a> left everyone hanging on the <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cI am not well\u201d<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> part and my <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201ccant stop, wont stop\u201d<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> pattern finding brain telling you how responsibility connected and then some side trauma sneaking in. But, it didn\u2019t follow up with what\u2019s next.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-028f2e2 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"028f2e2\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<style>\/*! elementor - v3.21.0 - 08-05-2024 *\/\n.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}<\/style><h1 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">But what does the \u201cI am unwell\u201d mean?\n<\/h1>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b79d06e elementor-widget elementor-widget-button\" data-id=\"b79d06e\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"button.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-button-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-button elementor-button-link elementor-size-md\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=ecoeHw00JB0\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-content-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-icon elementor-align-icon-left\">\n\t\t\t\t<i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-headphones-alt\"><\/i>\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-text\">Listen to post on YouTube<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-501987e elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"501987e\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<h5 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">The audio of this post is 5:48<\/h5>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-71285db elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default wpr-parallax-no\" data-id=\"71285db\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-cc3df0e\" data-id=\"cc3df0e\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b223db0 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"b223db0\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">How do you support your typically rock solid, high functioning, never asks for help person? <\/h2>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-ad76d11 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"ad76d11\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, truthfully that will be different for each person. In general, it means be understanding and supportive.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Don\u2019t<\/strong> try to solve a problem or offer solutions for them to \u201ctry out\u201d &#8211; not until a clear request is made for said solution.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is what has led to so many high-masked ADHD and autistic people out there. Neurotypical, allistic people <em>(and neurodivergents with internalized ableism)<\/em> in good faith offer support with words like \u201cyou should do\u2026\u201d or \u201cyou could\u2026\u201d or \u201chere\u2019s what you need to do\u201d. All which lead to masking for neurodivergent folks to simply \u201cfit in\u201d in order to normalize to the environment. This isn\u2019t the way.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">My list of concerns rolling around inside of me change given whatever I\u2019m feeling into that day.<\/span><\/p><blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I worry about how I\u2019ll ever be able to \u201cwork\u201d again like before. Yet, I\u2019m okay never going back to it again.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I worry then about how I\u2019ll ever be able to financially support myself ever again. Yet, I trust the universe will bring me the right opportunity to do so.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I worry about being forgotten by those I worked so hard to genuinely connect with. Yet, I know true connections don\u2019t ever disappear.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I worry about being seen as <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cless than\u201d <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">now that I have suffered a shut down and indeed am experiencing skill regression. In truth I don\u2019t have a silver lining for this one, yet.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I worry my closest of friends will never forgive me for falling off the face of the earth during this time. Yet, I trust they hold me deeply in their hearts.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For me, <strong>I need an enormous amount of understanding<\/strong><\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> (not pity) <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">and empathy from those who know me.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I need to continue to be seen as valuable and worthy as a person while I recover.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I need new support systems and advocates, one&#8217;s I&#8217;m certain I don&#8217;t know exist.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I need room to breathe without fear of repercussions.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I need to be able to find opportunities to engage, recover and still earn a living.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote><h3><span style=\"font-weight: 500;\">It is different for every person going through autistic burnout <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 500;\">(or, masking burnout)<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 500;\">.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I thought of a few things that may help in navigating the \u201cI am unwell\u201d conversations.<\/span><\/p><p><b>Respect any way they show up. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Understand that your neurodivergent burnout person is doing the best they can to show up in every moment. It isn\u2019t personal against you. Showering can be exhausting.<\/span><\/p><p><b>Be thoughtful how and what questions you ask.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Asking questions that are focused on them \u201creintegrating\u201d with the environment needs to be handled delicately. The current world is not set up for us to exist in let alone thrive, be thoughtful. And, always add context to your questions.<\/span><\/p><p><b>Don\u2019t be an early 2000\u2019s helicopter mom<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Pay attention and look for critical warning signs but don\u2019t hover in constant worry. Nurturing and care are a delight for us in the recovery phase but don\u2019t bring the ick.<\/span><\/p><p><b>Don\u2019t say stupid sh*t<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> like \u201cyou don\u2019t look unwell\u201d or \u201cyou don\u2019t look autistic\u201d. I refuse to even tell you why if this is your first thought. Do some homework and be a better human.<\/span><\/p><p><b>Don\u2019t force them to make decisions.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Our brains are fried circuit boards, our operating system is overloaded and the rainbow wheel is in a constant spin. I can\u2019t stress this enough &#8211; choosing food to eat when left to our own devices right now means we will just not eat. It doesn\u2019t mean you make a decision on their behalf without consent. It may mean presenting two options and not leaving the question fully open-ended.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><b>Just listen<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. If your person wants to open up and share, they will. It takes a lot of effort to converse and communicate and a lot of trust. If we do, feel honored we picked you. We just want you to listen not solve a problem, offer your 5 suggestions, or whatever. Listen. Acknowledge. Ask, how can I support you best right now? (assuming the person can handle that question, use some judgment.)<\/span><\/p><p><b>Be a safe space.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Again, this can be defined differently for each person. It might include sensory needs (lights, sounds, textures), simplifying the space, being trustworthy, inclusive, and kind, or something even very nuanced I can\u2019t think of. Mostly, just care and love on the person.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><b>Educate yourself. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">All of us who feel \u201cother\u201d out in this current world need allies. Real, genuine allies. I do think it is super important to ask things like <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cWhat does this look like or feel like for you?\u201d.<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> But putting the burden back on the person is unhelpful. It feels a lot like more weaponized incompetence and for women, we\u2019ve already burned out from that mental and emotional load our whole lives. No thanks. Pass.<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Oh, lastly keep in mind that the answers we have to provide you are always very layered and very complex. There is no \u201cin short\u201d answer here. Don\u2019t be offended if we just say \u201cfine\u201d. It may require way to much energy to give you the truth of the day.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I hope our \u201clittle conversation\u201d today has helped you out. Comment below with thoughts, questions, or your own experience (as an ally or neurodivergent, autistic person).<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I realize the previous post left everyone hanging on the \u201cI am not well\u201d part and my \u201ccant stop, wont stop\u201d pattern finding brain telling you how responsibility connected and then some side trauma sneaking in. But, it didn\u2019t follow up with what\u2019s next.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":28078,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[1077,1075,1078,1076],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jenkelchner.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28077"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jenkelchner.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jenkelchner.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jenkelchner.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jenkelchner.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=28077"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/jenkelchner.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28077\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":28094,"href":"https:\/\/jenkelchner.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28077\/revisions\/28094"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jenkelchner.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/28078"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jenkelchner.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28077"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jenkelchner.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=28077"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jenkelchner.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=28077"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}